Gay Men: How to Meet Potential Partners Offline

These days it can feel like the only place to meet partners is online. Not only is that not true, there are lots of advantages of trying to connect with other gay men offline.

Nearly two-thirds of same-sex couples are meeting online these days. And yes, the apps come with several big advantages.

They’re convenient, they’re easy to use. As a minority community, the apps allow us to connect with each other safely and without the “Is he, you know…?” you can get meeting people in daily life. When it comes to putting a large number of queer people looking for connections in one place, the apps can’t be beaten.

Still, you probably don’t need me to tell you that using the apps isn’t always happiness, unicorns and rainbows. The apps can be frustrating, and people can be mean online! Even if you chat with a lot of people, you’ll probably only meet a tiny handful, and feel a connection with even fewer.

And for some people, the apps just aren’t that great. Not everyone is captured well in two dimensions — and the apps tend to emphasize things like physical appearance over personality.

The fundamental problem with online dating is that the internet is not real. It’s hard to judge how you’ll click with someone from a profile alone, and much easier when you meet in person.d

That’s one big perk to meeting partners offline: you’re in a better position to judge whether it’s a good match much earlier. And what’s more, all relationships — platonic or romantic — take time to develop. Meeting offline can let you get to know each other more organically before deciding whether you want to invest more in someone. It often also means you have some activity or interest in common beyond “we’re both single and date other men,” which can help lead to stronger connections.

So if the apps aren’t doing it for you — or even if they are — it’s always worth thinking about ways to meet new people offline.

Meeting partners offline: What matters

As a dating and relationship coach, one thing I often help single queer men with is finding ways they can meet partners offline.

Here’s what I typically recommend single gay men think about when finding offline places to meet new people:

• What is an activity you enjoy?
• What is an activity you can be yourself when you do it?
• What is an activity that is likely to attract other queer men and you’re likely to stick with?

The first two are important because you want to be somewhere you can be your best self around others. There’s no point joining a queer football team if you hate sports. You’re not going to come across well at a queer bookclub if reading really isn’t your thing.

That said, you don’t necessarily have to be great at the thing you’re doing. You don’t have to sing like Beyoncé to join a queer choir — it’s OK to go because you enjoy it. (And how you were nervous to show up because you don’t have much singing experience is a great conversation starter, by the way.)

And obviously, the last one is important because a) you want to be in an environment where the odds of meeting queer singles is fairly high, and b) because relationships tend to grow over time, it’s definitely best if you can go to something where you’ll see the same or a similar group of people on a few occasions. (Ideally, four or more.)

So if in doubt, make a list of things you enjoy doing. Then see if there’s some club or event that’ll let you to do that with other queer people in your area — or even outside of it.

And if that doesn’t help, don’t worry. Let me introduce my list of places that definitely do exist in tons of places across the globe.

21 places to meet potential partners offline

Yes, lots of people’s go to places are queer events and nightlife. There are gay bars, gay clubs, queer eventsand queer prides, to name a few. Go with friends, have fun, and don’t be afraid of talking to people.

Many cities have in-person queer events that aren’t just organized around drinking and loud music. Some cities have things like queer networking events, queer singles events and even just talks by queer artists, authors or activists. Again, go with a friend or two if you like, and don’t be afraid to say hi to new people.

Lots of places have queer-focused groups like queer sports teams, queer book clubs, queer wine clubs and queer dinner clubs.

There are also queer hiking groups if that’s your thing. Some gyms or sports centers often attract a high proportion of gay men — it can be worth joining one, even if it’s a bit out of your way, and taking some classes there.

If you have the means, there are companies that offer queer vacations and queer cruises.

You can also book your own trip to a queer destination, whether that’s Gran Canaria, Puerto Vallarta, Sitges, Provincetown, Brighton or somewhere else.

There are also plenty of queer or queer-friendly beaches around the world. (Google will tell you where.) Often, on vacation people are more open to making new connections than they are in their normal lives.

That said, meeting new queer people doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. Sometimes the best thing you can do is rely on the friends you already have:

Ask your friends if they know anyone you should meet. Tell friends you want to expand your social circle and see if they’ll invite you to parties or events as their plus one. 

Host your own parties — invite your friends to bring someone they know but you don’t. If the club or event you want to exist doesn’t, make it exist — advertise it online or on social media and see who it attracts.

And sure, your mileage with all these options might vary. What’s right for you is going to depend on your budget, what’s available in your area and your personality and preferences. But there are always options, whoever you are and whatever your circumstances.

Some things to remember when meeting people offline

Here’s what to bear in mind when trying to meet people offline:

• It never hurts to try something — if it’s genuinely not for you, you don’t have to stick with it.
• You might not going to meet the love of your life the first time you do something. That’s OK, there’s value in widening your social circle in general.
• In fact, making new friends can often be as valuable as finding new potential partners. For starters, queer friendships are underrated, but meeting new people often leads to meeting new people.

And yes, meeting people in person often requires better social skills — and more confidence — than using the apps. But you’ll develop more social confidence by going out and meeting people, not sitting at home. If you need to, see if a friend (queer or otherwise) will come along with you.

The appeal of the apps is that they’re convenient — but often, embracing the inconvenience of offline events is what leads to better connections. And of course, there’s no reason you can’t be on the apps as well. But if you’re frustrated with online dating, finding some places to meet people offline is often the perfect solution.