The Essential Gay Reading List
Nine Books Every Gay Man Should Read
As a coach, I’m often asked about books that can help gay and bi men build better relationships and live more fulfilling lives. So if you’re interested in personal development as much as I am, here’s my essential gay reading list:
Alan Downs: The Velvet Rage
Yes, it’s a classic, but for good reason: This book will help you acknowledge and process the shame we carry as queer men living in a world not built for us.
Tom Bruett: The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men
Tom’s book is a powerful and engaging discussion of the common stages of forming a strong and lasting relationship — tailored specifically for gay men.
Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller: Attached
Understanding your attachment style will radically transform how you build relationships. Attached is one of the most popular and accessible books on the topic.
Max Thomas: Boys Who Like Boys
OK, I know, I wrote it. But if you’re looking for a practical guide for overcoming the blocks that stop queer men building strong relationships in the app era, I genuinely don’t know a better place to start.
bell hooks: The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity and Love
bell hooks’ classic treatise on men and love will urge you to reckon with the ways being raised at men cuts us off from love and connection — and what we can do about it.
Brené Brown: Daring Greatly
Brené Brown is a world-renowned expert on how vulnerability has the power to transform how we live and love, and Daring Greatly is a powerful guide to showing up more authentically in our relationships.
Leo Buscaglia: Love
All people crave love in some form, but few of us really understand it. Leo Buscaglia’s Love is a short and eminently readable treatise on what love is — and how to cultivate it.
Walt Odets: Out of the Shadows
Out of the Shadows is a detailed exploration of gay psychology: how we find strength in our identities, overcome shame and fight to love ourselves and others fiercely and authentically.
Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Eaton: The Ethical Slut
The classic guide to non-monogamy and other non-traditional relationship structures. The Ethical Slut will invite you to consider which relationship norms and conventions work for you, and which don’t.
All of these books are available online, of course, but if you’re able to buy them from a small independent bookstore, please do.